The title of the latest make you feel better about how you have screwed up your potential mating selection/mate choices, is called "Marry Him The Case For Mr. Good Enough.  Darkly comedic is how the author, Lori Gottlieb, is described. My favorite flavor. So I might even pick up a copy. 

I guess one word of caution is necessary right now.

If you are currently dating, "Mr. Marginally Acceptable, but what the hell it could be my last hurrah date" remember to slip your copy of your book into your night table just in case a bedroom romp might actually occur. An aphrodisiac, I would imagine, it's not.

Alrighty then.

How does one actually move from the desired IDEAL to just O.K.? 

The same way, I suspect, that one looks at taking a job. I mean really, you interview, what 3 times, meet the one person you are going to spend most of your time with, a few others (think about those folk as the in-laws) and boom, you sign on for an indefinite run. Not so complicated. 

Here's another thought I proposed once. It was called admitting to flaws which seems to me to work perfectly well. The male, in this instance, not only gets to tell what he perceives to be his disadvantages he might ultimately win out by evoking the most self aware award. A definite turn on for most females.

So, it appears, the moral of Ms. Gottlieb's story is not to lower your standards, just change them. Of course, Mr. Marginally Acceptable hasn't gotten the memo that he is considered a tier two. Ask any terrific female who has sent off a note to her "changed criteria" online hopeful, knowing that she heeded Ms. Gottlieb's advice, and then failed to receive a response. 

Anyhow, it seems to me that it is back to shopping at Loehman's ladies. Still searching out the Armani, but content to go home with a comfy, easy to wear, makes you feel good, basic.

Somewhere I read, can't remember where, this little ditty about dating. "When in your 20's you come into a relationship with a thimbleful of experiences. True. Approaching a relationship when middle aged you are schlepping a steamer trunk behind you."

So then, when the meet and greet happens at this decidedly encumbered point in life, the tales begin with…

The marriages had, the progeny produced, the career moves made, the houses bought and sold.

The therapists seen, the new age experiences tried, the substances used, abused, discontinued, the religious affiliations connected with, disconnected with and reconnected with again. 

The travels taken, the theater seen, the movies adored, the books read, the friends made.

The dreams realized, the hopes dashed, the fantasies kept alive. 

But for me, I think that the real deep dive into this new find your honey, baby place gets played out in the body inventory part. No guile nor editorializing. Up close and personal.

What's been removed, replaced, repaired or reconfigured? 

The anxiety provoking,  "what are you doing New Year's Eve" question is right up there, for some, with "got a Valentine's Day plan?" 

No need to expound on the reasons, if you are nodding in agreement you know why.

And, of course, spending the time with your friends and family, sending off a card (candy optional), or popping a bottle of champagne, while very viable options, doesn't quite do it, does it?

Lie.

Rather than being met with that soulful eye look, the slightly averted eyes, the mumbled tsk tsk, really, lie.

I'm off to Paris. Whisked away for a mystery road trip. Being wined and dined at Bouley, Per Se, Wendy's.

In the meanwhile, you can begin vigorously planning for St. Patrick's Day, no angst, no worries, no problem, unless you simply don't look good in green.

An 'on line find your honey baby sweetie' Color Code Test?

A fifteen minute test that will give me a life-changing personal insight? Determine that I am a yellow, white, blue or red and then I will have real insights into my actions and how I relate to other personalities? 

And heretofore I based my entire being on thinking I am an autumn.

What will they think of next?

It must be pretty competitive out there, getting new members to sign up in 'find your honey baby sweetie' land. I, for one, would have preferred a gift with purchase…maybe some face cream, but I suppose, if they thought of this, they decided it just wasn't compelling enough. And, really, what would they have given the other female members?

I'm here to suggest that they offer the Kuder Preference Test. (For those not in the know, it's a test for career assessment and career planning).

So, if finding love, color coded or otherwise is challenging, perhaps a new career option isn't a bad second runner up plan.

New to the 'honey baby sweetie' on line dating world? 

It shows. 

But you'll learn, if the adage of old dogs new tricks is true. 

In the meantime, here are a few things that you might want to internalize before you continue down the path toward eternal bliss.

Holding someone captive for a 45 minute soliloquy is fine if you are in your therapist's office. They, after all, get paid. During a getting to know you meet and greet, not so much.

Empathy is a very attractive trait. "I understand, I see, I know, I've been there." Expecting to hear those utterances after two, or more, tales of woe is probably pushing the envelop. Pick one. Bad divorce(s) or rotten kid(s). Not both.

Listen for breathing. If it is very very rhythmic chances are they have fallen asleep. If that is the case, best maneuver would be to, depending where this meet and greet is happening, either hang up, get the check, simply slip out. 

A second go around is probably off the table anyhow.

Cute, isn't she? Makes you smile. At least it made me smile, when a friend sent it to me.

I don't imagine, however, that it elicited quite the same response from the "meet your on line hopeful honey baby sweetie fellow" my friend had sent it to in response to his request for a full body photo. Amend that, for a recent, full body photo. 

While Tom had Renee at Hello, apparently for the rest of the mating, dating, forever and ever crowd, the requirements are much more exacting. 

"How did he make the request, and maintain some semblance of delicacy in doing so?" I asked. He wrote, she offered, "I normally don't reply to emails with only one photo posted. Not that I get a flood of emails or that I consider myself a trophy. Just that that criterion has been a fairly reliable guide in the past—one which I have ignored to my great loss (of, time, travel and expenditure").

Needless to say, she didn't hear back from him. 

Can't really fault him for his request. Consider, really, the time, travel and expenditure consequences. 

I did ask her how many hopefuls she responded to that either had no picture posted, or whose picture was, oh, how does one put this gracefully, scary? She agreed, somewhat sheepishly, that her shallow button was easily pressed, and regardless of the accompanying wonderfully written prose, she was apt to hit the delete, delete, and move onto the next. 

He's vindicated. 

So now what? 

Is it really the overworked, overused, beaten into submission request for chemistry at play here? 

How's about this branch of the science?

I think all the on line seekers of beauty and truth should take classes in the art of Alchemy. They can, if they are clever enough, learn how to transmute (like that word?) the base metals (hopefuls) into a more valuable and precious metal (a date) with a flick of a wand and some magical incantations. No photos required.

Larry David, of Curb Your Enthusiasm, and Seinfeld fame (in case you have been in a cave for the last decade) has a philosophy about this 'let's make a plan' that most of us, I believe, would adopt if we dared.

Take, for example, this exchange.  "How's about we get together?" Larry's response would include the "why bother? We don't really want to, we will email back and forth, ultimately make a date and then with certainty break it. So, no…let's not."

The rest of us make the date.

In the on line meet your honey, baby, sweetie world, making a plan takes herculean efforts. It's rather an odd phenomenon as the goal of the on line meet your honey baby sweetie world is, oh my, to meet someone. If the act of having a date actually does occur, it is usually set up to happen as a drive by. A second scenario is a beverage of some sort, but preferably not something hot, as the time it takes to actually be able to swallow said liquid may be way more time than one wishes to devote to this activity. The third possible scenario is to plan a date and have dinner. This maneuver, I have come to learn, is usually made by the dating uninitiated. It is something they quickly realize they will never do again. See plan A.

One could adopt the electrician, plumber, contractor way of making a plan. You simply don't call back. Alternatively, there is the cable or appliance repair person maneuver, which is to give it a day part window. "I'll be over to pick you up between 12 and 6. 

That works for you, doesn't it?"

I love these studies. Really I do.

It appears, according to the Pew Research Center, based on Census Data, "men are increasingly likely to marry women with more education and income than they have." 

That is, for the 30 to 44 year old crowd.

So then, the study goes on to report, younger women, better educated, earn good money, marry, have a lower divorce rate and happier unions. And this survey was not done in Stepford land. 

Another study, had decidely different statistics. How's this, to make you sit up and take notice, men live longer if they marry a younger woman. "His chances of dying early are cut by a fifth if their bride is between 15 and 17 years their junior. Premature death is reduced by 11 percent." 

Women, the study suggests, don't seem to fair as well. She has a 30 percent chance of dying early when wedded to a guy 15 to 17 years her junior. 

The moral to this story?

If she hasn't met her honey baby sweetie by the time she's in her 40's she can choose one of these second time around older guys. The diaper duty she thought she might have missed will, sooner than later, be part of her daily activity. Too bad.

If, however, she waits a decade or so longer, she can find herself a sweet young thing. While possibly shortening her life expectancy somewhat, she, arguably, will be prepared to meet her maker with a huge smile on her face. 

Alrighty then…ready for a quiz?

Can you quote a Confucian analect?

Who or what might Occam refer to?

Which author wrote …" but in contentment I still feel the need for some imperishable bliss"?

Stumped? Googled for clues? Swore you'd never need to know the answers to stuff like this after your SAT's or GMAT's?

Want to know where I got these ditties from?

I've come across them on the meet your honey, baby, sweetie on line dating sites. You had thought, perhaps, that the one and only reason you are meandering through the myriad of profiles is to find your soul mate.  

That used to be the reason.

A more sensible, practical and, it appears, an ultimately more satisfying reason is the opportunity to test your intellectual mettle …You read a particular profile, they have made a literary reference, can you figure it out, remember who might have said it, retrieve the information as to "where do I know that from…??"

And furthermore, once you retrieve the information, can you, demonstrating wit and style, write a pithy comeback acknowledging that you, perhaps one of the few, got the reference?

Or do as both Emily and I do… Immortalize them and their questions on a blog.